Haitus

Yeah, I don't often blog on this. Like I should. Chalk another one up to Lii's crippling laziness. Last time I checked, sloth was one of the seven deadly sins, too.

All right. Since this is a blog for anything, here goes anything.

I am a college student. This much is obvious. College students nowadays have a lot more to worry about than they used to. This is not my excuse for what happened.

What happened? I failed two of my four classes this semester. Granted, they were my least-favorite classes, and the least-applicable to the degree I was aiming for, but nonetheless it is unacceptable for me to half-ass - much less fail - any of my classes. My parents are pissed, and righteously so: I wasted at least two hundred of their dollars. Not mine, theirs.

I've been wondering if I should quit the community college, move out on my own, find a full-time job, and start trying to build my life up from ground zero. Heaven knows that ought convince me to kick things into gear. But now I'm not really sure it would.

You see, I am the laziest person that I know of. Of all the bad stuff going on in my life, maybe 90% of it is my own fault. I know this, and I realized this a long time ago. It is only recently that I accepted it as the truth. I for the longest time performed lipservice to my parents and pretended to accept it, but when I entered college I realized that I was now in the driver's seat and the car was spinning wildly out of control. And yet I didn't care.

Come second semester of college and, pretty much made arrogant by my success at flubbing first semester, I got even lazier than usual. I devoted minimal time to the classes that vexed me and focused on the things that should have been "treats" as my mom puts it. My drawing. Posting on deviantART. Watching shows that will probably be there when I'm through with all of this. This is ultimately what ruined me.

Now I'll be perfectly frank: I flat-out hated my Anatomy class. Basically, the class is called "Survey of Human Anatomy and Physiology". AKA the science version of an anatomy class. It was basically biology 2.0. And I loathed it. I hated the class, I hated every second of the labs and lectures, I hated the textbook, I hated the material, and I hated that I had to take it at all. And the thing is, the class would not have transferred to the private school that I want to attend. It was entirely pointless for me to take it. I will say that my mom told me to tough it out and to not quit, because it would show the academy people that I was devoted. Do or die time came, and I chose to faceplant. I told myself that it wouldn't matter, that the class wouldn't have counted as transferable credit. But the thing is, it does matter. It dragged my GPA down from above a 3 to the 2 range. It wasted a boatload of my parent's money. And it wasted my time. I could have been devoting my time and energy to something that would transfer, had I had the courage to tell my mother, "No, I'm picking my classes, and three out of the four are work-work classes." or "No, I won't do well in this. I can't bring myself to even try." Both would have been the truth to some degree.

The other gaping void was for a basic Marketing class. This was entirely my own fault. It was an online course, which I abhor, and I completely forgot about it. I half-assed everything for it. And I failed it, as I ought to have. I'm willing to retake it as long as it's not online again. I hate online classes, and I hate that I have to even take any. For some people they're livesavers, convenient in a world that's so fast-paced and all that. For me, they're a pain in the ass. I can't do online classes, I utterly fail at them. I should have put more time and effort into this one, because for my art degree I need a Marketing class. It would have transferred. But I fucked up big time, and now I have to retake it.

God, I hate this. I hate that once I'm given the reins to almost anything, I screw it up. It is completely my fault, there's no Lifetime Movie-esque story behind my problems. I brought it all on myself by not caring and being utterly lazy. I hate the fact that no matter what I do, I cause pain to everyone around me, not just myself. I can't seem to do anything right, and my parents claim they haven't given up hope, but it all depends on me pulling it all together.

But I can't. I just can't. I can't even make myself fucking pull it all together just to do the stuff needed to get a job that's basically my hobby, but glorified. As much as I want to be a cartoonist, I can't make myself try to even get there. Which makes me wonder what I'm doing at all. Why try when I can't even put my heart into my own dream? Which makes me wonder if it's really my dream at all.

No, I'm not depressed. I'm not even close to thinking of killing myself. Don't call the nuthouse on my account. I'm not a danger to myself. But these questions have been rattling around in my head since senior year, when I realized that my stay in LALAland was nearing its end.

I'm not a Mercedes Lackey heroine. I'm not the strong type of woman that people idolize. I am ashamed to admit that my parents constantly tell me stories of people "less endowed" than myself doing things that I have yet to achieve. My mother is constantly reminding me that I have the highest standardized test scores of the family, which apparently means that I'm a fucking brilliant speshul little snowflake. And yet my "less endowed" cousins are beating my ass at things that should come easy for me. I am told amazing rags-to-riches stories every day and am reminded that while I may have the equipment, I'm incapable of doing anything with it or even getting inspired to use it at all. Those stories have the opposite effect of inspiring me to do better, and I hate that. I hate that I fail at everything, and I even fail at trying. I hate that I'm lazy and don't care enough to do anything about it. I hate that I screw things up without trying. And I hate that no matter what I do, I always manage to screw things up for everyone else. I hate that real life is crushing me and I'm not even putting up a fight. I have a part-time job right now and I'm failing at it. It's fucking stocking shoes for a chain retailer, and I can't even fucking do that right. I'm pretty sure my boss hates me right now, because I'm probably her worst hire ever; she probably regrets calling me back for a second interview.

So basically, my life is a smoldering mess. I'm not even sure I can get myself out of this hole I've dug for myself. I'm not even sure I deserve to.

But the final word is this: I'm going on a complete hiatus. I'm not going to be active on anything. I apologize to anyone who reads this blog for the hell of it, I apologize to the people I owe requested artworks to, and I apologize to my friends whom I am hurting with my laziness. I don't deserve you wonderful people. You honestly make my day with the littlest things. Words can't even describe how uplifting every little thing you write, respond to, and do for me, and I know I'll never be able to repay you all. If you are mad at me for this, I don't blame you. I deserve it. I'll try and make it up to you, but if I don't and you decide to punish me by never speaking to me again, I don't blame you.

The thing is, all requests from DA are sketched saved one, and I'm probably not going to be able to do much besides what I've already gotten done. I was planning on doing a ginormous sketchdump by the end of the month but I've already deemed that probably not going to happen. I'll let you all know when things are going to start picking up again, and if things don't pick up, I'll let you all know that too. I'm not sure what's going to happen now, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do. It's probably not going to be to my liking, but then again I'm a spoiled rotten brat who doesn't deserve to get anything to her liking anymore. My free-ride time is up, and I've got to pay the ferryman.

I won't ask for any well-wishes. I won't ask for you all to forgive me. I won't ask for pity, sympathy, or anything. Just please accept my apologies for this hiatus, for my screwing up constantly, for everything. I am so, so very sorry.

Dude, I have an idea!

So y'all remember the whole "God Hates Fags" kerfuffle that went on in '06? Well, I found out recently that it's been going on for a while, longer than four years. In fact, Michael Moore even managed to bug them about it. (By the way, I'm totally naming my next car something awesome like the Sodomobile, but probably not as blatant. I like to be subtle and really screw with people's minds) This video was filmed in the tail-end of the 90's.

Dude. Does this Pastor Fred Phelps dude have no life at all? Seriously. And his daughter? Batshit fucking insane. The woman won't even allow you to breathe before she launches into her little speech about how God hates us all and is taking it all out on our soldiers in this (stupid pointless) war and we're going to burn in hell because we allow gay people to exist and we don't do exactly like the Bible says (you know, like not eating shrimp and marrying off your daughters at the tender age of eight!) and the Pope allows this (he doesn't, he's trying to turn back the clock to the Middle Ages) and the President is the Antichrist (Dude, I thought that guy was supposed to be from Europe or something...) and so on an so forth.

Well... I think I'm screwed. I'm a Pagan lesbian liberal who voted for Obama in his last election and will probably do so in the next.

Yep. I'm screwed. *long dramatic sigh*

Look, here's an idea. The freaking church - oh, I'm sorry, I mean cult - that this idiot runs, the Westboro Baptist Church (Dude, I know Baptists and they aren't ANYTHING like this clusterfuck) is sooooo unpopular, they have LESS THAN A HUNDRED MEMBERS and EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT OF THOSE MEMBERS ARE FAMILY.

Methinks somebody pissed in that genepool somewhere... >_>

So anyway, if it's such a small (AND FUCKING LOUD) community... why don't we just ignore them? You know, the media and the press could, you know, completely ignore them. (...the President can tell them to do that, right? Maybe Congress is so sick of these idiots that they'll team up with the other two branches of the government and pass a law forbidding press contact with these idiots? That could work. I'm sure 99.9% of the American government, state and federal, are completely sick of these guys.) If they lose the fuel for their little fires of hatred, which is basically the attention-whoring crap that preteens pull when they feel like their overstressed over-strained parents aren't giving them enough devotion, maybe they'll find new hobbies. Like scrapbooking. I hear that's a very fun hobby to have. My favorite hobby is drawing raptors. Not the dinosaurs, you dummy. The birds.

So yeah. Here's an idea: stop listening to them. They can whine and yell and stamp their feet all they want, but if the rest of the sane world keeps that hallowed chant in mind ("Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.") then the WBC might go "hoshit, no one's listening to us anymore! BAAAAAWWW I'M GOING HOME AND I'M TAKING MY TOYS WITH ME!"

Hey, just an idea.

Or, we could just keep rickrolling them.

Ummm...

I'm still alive, you know. >_>;;



So today I bring you the news that I finally can finish the Avalon series! I absolutely adore this series, I've adored it since the early 2000's when a friend got me the original Scholastic copy of the first book! It has a lot of stuff that makes the Lii happy: magic, talking animals (get the laughs out now, folks. Next time I break out the whoopin' stick!) and winged cats! Plus, you know, a good tale of tossing Destiny out the window and doing stuff in your own way.

Just to explain to the uninitiated (and possibly to convert more people to madness)

The story goes like this: three preteen girls in a small town in Pennsylvania discover sparkling, strange jewels on the property of an old nature preserve. This sets in motion a magical adventure that spans across worlds apart from ours, and the emo-meter jumps around from the highest of highs to the saddest of lows. This series is a great series for kids and teens alike (and even this adult who's reading it and has the entire series stored in one of her bookshelves) and Rachel Roberts is not afraid to tackle some kids book taboos (death and so on) in order to get the story going. Avalon is also a bit of a save-the-whales message in disguise, but we all know I don't mind those. (*cough* see Tokyo Mewmew) In any case, I gotta go and finish the final three books (Heart of Avalon, Dark Mage, Full Circle) that I went out and bought just recently with my FIRST EVER PAYCHECK! Whoo~!

Also, to you manga fans out there! Avalon has a manga-styled comic book! (I'm saying this because you never know when some manga purist will come across this page and start RAEGing "It can't be manga if it was drawn by anything but a Japanese manga-ka!!!" I have met people like this. I sorely wish to kick one.) This spin-off takes place during the events of the book series (now being reprinted by Seven Seas in the form of illustrated light novels *squee~!*) and features artwork from the amazing Shiei, who you may know from other works such as Amazing Agent Luna and Aoi House. It's a very cute trilogy and worth checking out!

Because I know you're dying to get your hands on these books, here are some linkies!

The homepage!

The Seven Seas page!

As for me, I gotta go get ready for work. Did I mention I have a job now? It's a doozy, but it'll be worth it when I can transfer into an art school in the city!

Stay magical!

Book Review: The Serpent's Shadow

As many of you know, I am anti-Twilight.

Well, here is what should have been made into a movie instead of that drivel.

Mercedes Lackey, serving the fantasy community for longer than I've been alive, is a freaking AWESOME author. And the Serpent's Shadow is only ONE of her amazing works. I picked this one to review because it's the first in a series.

Anyway.

So this story takes place in the beginning of the twentieth century, in post-Victorian England. It follows the main protagonist of the story, Maya Witherspoon, as she attempts to assimilate into the White Man's culture. Yes, I said "White Man", because that brood of people is one of the biggest antagonists in the book. Maya is half-Indian and half-British (guess which half came from which parent, derp) and is also a female doctor. Plus, she's not a lapdog kind of woman. Triple threat, dude. So when her parents die mysteriously in India, she packs up, gathers a loyal family of servants, and flees India for the alien safety of England. She manages to survive there as a charity doctor and out of her own private practice, and also manages to use her own particular brand of awesome in the form of - wait for it - Elemental Magick.

Yeah, I know, it's ATLA all over again.

But yeah, in this book we are introduced to the Elemental Masters, a type of magician that can tap into the undiluted power of a traditional element and use it for all sorts of fun things, such as weaving protections, rendering bigots unconscious without touching said bigots, and astral projecting! Sounds cool, right?

Well, this may be a problem for Maya, whose evil aunt is also a magician... of the dark sort. Maya's evil aunt comes to England, too, in order to find and capture Maya and possibly kill her to gain Maya's powers. Luckily, Maya makes some friends that just may be able to help her out with that. Plus, she has seven quirky guardians in the form of "pets" to protect her.

...heyyy, what does this sound like??

Yes, that's right. The entire Elemental Masters series is based on a traditional fairy tale. For instance, this one is based off of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (thus the seven pets on the cover). The second book, the Gates of Sleep, is based off of - wait for it - Sleeping Beauty! The third book, Phoenix and Ashes, is based off of Cinderella. Book four, the Wizard of London, is based off of the Snow Queen. And finally, book five, Reserved for the Cat, is based off of Puss in Boots. All five of the books so far feature strong female protagonists who don't take shit from their male counterparts. All five of them take place before the 1920's (that's a yay in my book) and all five have craploads of awesome magick tossed in. Definitely worth checking out, and all of them were written within the last ten years. Go to your local library or bookstore and find 'em!

The thing I liked best about the books - besides the awesome fantasy part, the fact that all the female protagonists were kickass, and the time period - was the fact that they all managed to intertwine with each other. There's a definite continuity in this series, and the fact that they're all fairytale-based lends itself to the awesome. Everyone, even the lowliest, non-magician character, can be a hero. And everyone has some sort of strength that lends itself to good triumphing over evil.

Don't we need a little more of that nowadays?

No more FML

Aww, Picksey, not liking being stuck on a podium? ...or a special chair?

Yes, I am much happier today. Not only do I have a surefire way of earning a few bucks - DOGSITTING, no less! - but I have a job interview lined up for Friday, AND my goddamn SSN is unhacked! *pumps fist* I got all of this good news in the span of thirty minutes and spent the rest of the day on cloud 9. So, no more Fuck My Life. My life is getting better! Now, if only I could somehow learn how to not barf at the sight of disembodied eyeballs... *horfs*

Blessed be!

Oh, and please go and check out Uglydolls. My favorite is Picksey, who is pictured on his inter-dementional chair up there. *points* These plushies are so freaking adorable. Buy them. Now.

Manga Review: Othello

We're not talking about the Shakespeare play, just to be clear. The title Othello refers to a board game in which the players flip the pieces over from black to white and vice-versa in order to win, I guess. I'm no authority. Although Shakespeare's play might be similar, I'm not sure.
Anyway, I quite like this title. It's a pretty short series, only seven volumes, and contains quite a bit of pop culture that pleases the Lii, such as punk rockers, gothic lolita, and crazy justice-seeking alter-egos.
Ahem. I'm getting ahead of myself.
The main character of this manga is named Higuchi Yaya, and her life freaking sucks. Her father's an overprotective old fart who guilts her into suppressing her needs and desires; her closest "friends" hang out with her just to make every moment miserable; and, hitting quite close to home, she really hates herself for being so weak that she can't stand up to the people making her life a living hell. The story opens with Yaya heading out to a party with Seri and Moe, the two bitches who torture her for fun. She is called home by her idiot of a father and spends the New Year absolutely miserable. The next day, she recieves a time capsule in the mail from her five-year-old self. She comes to the conclusion that she hates herself and she hates her life, and we are regaled with flashbacks of why she's degenerated so far - her timid nature is not entirely her fault, and the hole she was in just kept getting deeper and deeper.
So the chapter goes on to show that Yaya escapes to Harujuku every Sunday to cosplay, and is bending over backwards to keep her "friends" from finding this out. They find out anyway, and guilt Yaya into coming to a karaoke party with a bunch of older guys. Yaya is humiliated further when Seri, Moe, and the college-age bozos find her old magical girl compact in her purse and goad her into singing. She glances into the mirror.
Suddenly, a change comes over Yaya, she grabs the mike, and blows the group away with her raw singing talent. Then, she proceeds to beat the crap out of the older guys, who really want in her pants, and in the process manages to toss Seri and Moe around too. She ends the display with the announcement, "I'm Nana." Then she trips on a microphone, bumps her head, and reverts back to Yaya.
Nana is Yaya's alternate personality that comes out whenever Yaya is traumatized enough, when she glances in a mirror or reflective surface, or when she bumps her head. Nana is tough, sassy, and confident, everything that Yaya isn't, and gets Yaya out of all of the trouble that Yaya manages to stumble into. She also exacts revenge in the most comical ways (tossing a bag full of frogs into Seri's room is one of the more memorable incidents). Yaya is unaware of Nana's existence, and wonders why everyone acts scared of her when she "wakes up".
Yaya and Nana have many adventures, the least of which include a former visual kei singer, his pet alligator, an awesome punk band led by Yaya's crush, Moriyama-kun, and an areal duel with a crazed fan of Moriyama's. Plus, you start waiting for Nana's constant yelling of "Justice is done!" every time she takes care of a particularly nasty adversary.
Personally, I can relate to Yaya. My middle school years were pretty much hell on wheels, and I totally understand Yaya's low self-esteem and self-hate problems. (Incidentally, this "hell-on-wheels" time period is when I really got into anime, drawing it, and mahou shoujo as an escape). A stronger alternate self would be a nice ally to have, and the ability to handle all situations as smooth and suave as Nana sometimes manages to pull off is a rather attractive one. Nana is her own separate character. Sometimes, you forget that Yaya is really the protagonist, and Nana is only a facet of Yaya's personality. Moriyama's relationship with both of Yaya's personalities is interesting and a rather humorous contrast. The other antagonistic characters are extremely exaggerated, and really - don't the bullies in life seem larger than they really are sometimes? The story is entertaining, full of slapstick and "Justice!", and has a very satisfying ending. I highly recommend it to fans of magical girl shows (this isn't magical girl story at all, but it's similar - split personalities) and to people who enjoy teen comedy, such as Ranma 1/2 and others like it. Del Rey has translated and released all seven volumes, but it's out of stock pretty much everywhere. My local library has three of them, but I had to find the rest online. You can read scanlations of Othello on Mangafox if you're unable to find the English volumes, but I highly suggest buying and supporting the series if you can!

In other news, I'm still waiting on my SSN business to get sorted out. It's really getting annoying, not being able to even apply for jobs and other important things I need my SSN for - like credit cards, for instance. I don't need one yet, but if I did, I'd be S.O.L. Some stuff did manage to go right today... I got a really nice haircut and color job, managed to drive home without getting too lost (I did have to break out the GPS, but only for a little bit) and got to watch my hands-down favorite episode of NCIS ("Requiem" - it makes me cry every time). I'll be busy all weekend, so if anything happens, I'll find out on Monday. Here's to hoping this weekend goes well. Knock on wood.

FML

I swore this blog would be about anything. So here's some anything.

Those of you that know me know that I've had a difficult time finding part-time employment. "Difficult" being the understatement of the century.

Well, I just figured out why.

My fucking social security number was hacked.

You want to know how I figured this out? One of the sites that I use to find jobs just randomly kicked me out, saying that I was lying to them and that I wasn't who I said I was.

I was like, "WTF?" so I went and ran a background check. Apparently, according to Uncle Sam, I am my mother.

Wut.

So I called the company that did the background check and am having them fix it up for me, but still. The piece of America that would make sure I didn't end up on the streets as an old retired spinster is now making sure I can't get a goddamn job. NOW I know why McDonald's never called me back.

Oh, and guess what? I try to sort all of this out with different job sites, and everyone fucking treats me like a fucking criminal. Why is it that victims of identity theft are always treated like the bad guys?

Fuck my life.